


The Sun Will Rise

by invisiblerambler (tayloreliza6)



Series: You'll Be Okay [1]
Category: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson
Genre: Angst, Evan and Jared made up, Fluff, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-17
Updated: 2017-04-09
Packaged: 2018-09-25 01:30:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 6,607
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9796385
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tayloreliza6/pseuds/invisiblerambler
Summary: Evan Hansen has not been having a good week, and tonight all the events of the last five days have come crashing down around him all at once. He's just trying to find a way to ground himself long enough to breathe. Tonight, he's feeling brave enough to possibly even ask for help.





	1. Is There Anybody Out There?

Evan Hansen’s head was filled to the brim with noise that only his brain could create. The kind that only turned up in intensity when he tried to block it out. The only way to shut it out was walking, and these days, it seemed like that’s all he ever did. He and Zoe haven’t talked since he revealed to her and her parents that the whole Connor thing was a sham, and he still had so much guilt over it. People still recognized him for the Connor Project and the good that it did, but he definitely didn’t deserve all the positive attention.

The only good thing in his life lately was that he finally started to repair the friendships that he almost lost during all the mess. Alana was polite, but still pretty distant. Jared was a little faster to come around. Regardless of all that happened with the Connor Project, Evan definitely knew why he was being noticed all of a sudden. The school started looking closer at the outcasts, and because they didn’t want another suicide on their hands, they threw the loner kids a bone. At least, that’s what his anxiety was screaming at him tonight. Around 9:30 or so, Evan slid on his sneakers and quietly walked out his front door. It wasn’t really necessary for him to be this quiet; his mom wouldn’t be home for a couple hours. Yet, he always felt the need to make the smallest impact he could whenever he went somewhere. He wouldn’t be noticed either way, so why make a bigger fuss than was necessary?

The cool breeze that blew after he stepped outside already began to untangle the fried wires in his head. His first steps after he reached beyond his front stairs were tentative. He wasn’t sure where he could go to clear his head at first. His first thought was the city park that wasn’t too far from his house, but upon thinking about it, the only things that would be happening there this late at night was teenagers smoking. Even if no illegal substances were being passed around, there was a good chance that kids from school would be there. And in times like these, seeing his peers would only make his anxiety worsen.

After walking down his driveway to the sidewalk, Evan realized there was only one place that would help him to calm down tonight. The high school. It sounded ridiculous, especially because of all the pain that building normally caused. Yet, the cool grass of behind the bleachers always seemed to be able to ground him. Evan hoped that it was late enough for some dew to have fallen. Even though it was going to make his clothes damp, he loved the way wet grass felt on his finger tips. As the rubber soles of his sneakers slapped the pavement, his heartbeat had slowed enough for him to breathe normally again. He took a deep breath, taking in all the sounds of the night around him.

For as long as Evan could remember, he had loved the sounds of nature. When he was a child, his mom gave him a disc with the sounds of crashing waves on it, and taught him how to put it in a CD player so he could fall asleep to it. It kind of made him feel like she was still at home when she had to work late nights. As he grew older, the sounds of rain and ocean waves never failed to soothe his nerves. Turning the corner, Evan realized he’d was a lot calmer now than he was at school that day. As he approached the school grounds, he pulled out his phone to text Jared. He wouldn’t mind the company right now, and he didn’t think Jared would mind either.

Evan the Friendly Ghost: Hey. I was headed over to the school’s bleachers to stargaze. Wanna join me?

J-Man: I mean, as long as this isn’t a gay thing, I can probably be there in fifteen minutes. Don’t climb any trees before I get there. Oh, and don’t even think about climbing the bleachers.

Evan the Friendly Ghost: Always the comedian. I’ll be in between the concession stand and the bleachers. See you then.

Evan sighed as he finished the conversation. Even with friends he trusted deeply, texting was still hard. He was more comfortable with Jared than others people, but he still had to take deep breaths before sending a text. Soon enough, Evan was lost in the sound of his shoes on the pavement again, and eventually reached the gates of the school’s football field. He hopped over the low fence with ease and scanned the grass for a spot to lie down. He found a nice spot beside the bleachers, and lowered himself to a lying position. As he did, the stars came into focus. Evan sighed contentedly. He could stargaze for hours. He lied in the grass for a little while, running his fingers through the damp blades, until a dark figure appeared above him, the light of the moon reflecting off his glasses.

“Remember, you promised me this wouldn’t be a gay thing.” Jared couldn’t keep a straight face as he said that. He sat down next to his friend, and Evan propped himself up on his elbows.

“Yeah, I’m aware that I said that. Just sit down and shut up for a minute.” Evan was only slightly amused by Jared’s antics before he fell silent. Jared shifted in place before breaking the silence with one of the most serious things Evan ever heard him say.

“So how are you holding up after all of this?” Jared didn’t turn to look Evan in the eye. He just stared at the stars and waited for Evan to respond. Evan struggled to form any words. All he could produce were a few stutters before he decided to spit it out.

“Well, somedays I wish I had never done any of this. Other days, I’m glad I did, even if it was for the wrong reasons.” Evan sighed and stayed silent, waiting for Jared’s response.

Jared garnered the best response he could.

“Honestly Evan, I think the best thing for you to do right now is to not let the past control you. You did what you did, and it happened. We can’t change that. I mean, I was furious for a while that you abandoned me for the Murphy’s. Hell, some days I still am. But I know you were just craving a real family, and your intentions just got skewed along the way.”

Jared bit his lip when he didn’t hear a response right away. He hoped he hadn’t hurt Evan’s feelings. He just felt for the kid. He wanted things to go better for him. Jared would never admit these things out loud of course, but he thought of Evan like a brother. The whole ordeal that he went through with the Murphy family, while not entirely not his fault, was still really hard on him. After what seemed like an eternity, Evan finally spoke, his voice quiet.

“I’m still going to Dr. Sherman, if that’s what you’re saying. Even though the letters assignment obviously backfired.” For the first time since Jared had showed up, he almost saw Evan crack a smile.

“Sometimes it’s just hard to dig up all this crap and talk about how I feel about it. Why can’t it just be as simple as I felt invisible, and then I didn’t? At this point, I just want to leave this school behind and go to college. It doesn’t hold anything for me anymore, and honestly it just makes me anxious. But I can’t ever really get away from what I did, and the way Zoe looks at me whenever I pass by kills me. People still see me as some kind of hero, and I know I don’t deserve that. He took in a sharp breath, feeling a lump form in his throat. “I just don't…”

Jared looked over and saw tears in Evans eyes. He immediately sat up, and looked him square in the face.

“Evan, dude, you need to breathe with me for a second. Do you need to grab my arm or something to ground yourself?” Jared braced himself for a death grip on his arm, but nothing came. Evan turned away from him, hot tears rolling down his cheeks. He hated crying in front of people. He especially hated crying in front of Jared. He was waiting for some sarcastic comment about how he was a pussy for crying, but instead felt Jared’s arm wrap around his shoulders.

“Hey, it’s okay.” He rubbed Evan’s back. “Zoe may still be mad at you, but she doesn’t blame you entirely. Everyone involved needed what you did for a different reason. I’m not condoning it or anything, but Zoe’s not constantly judging you for all this shit. She knows you better than that. Take that into consideration the next time you see her. You’re going to graduate in less than six weeks, so just try to keep all of this in perspective.”

Evan didn’t respond. He didn’t know how to respond to that. All that did was make him cry harder. Jared winced. He couldn’t stand listening to Evan cry. “Look, I know I’ve said this before, but if your anxiety ever escalates during school, come see me. Text me, come into my class, do whatever. I don’t care. But don’t think that you can just blame yourself for everything. I’m always here if you need someone to talk to. I swear.” Jared let out a long breath. He somehow had managed to get that out in one sentence. Evan nodded and wiped his eyes. Jared took advantage of the silence to say something else.

“You asked me to stargaze because you were having an anxiety attack, weren’t you?” Jared knew that from the start, but wanted to let Evan get all his thoughts out before Jared confirmed it. Evan finally found the words to respond to Jared, but wasn’t ready to look him in the eye.

“Honestly, a lot of the times that I’ve asked you to hang out was because I can’t trust myself to be alone. Even after I told you, I figured you wouldn’t want to take care of me when I’m like this. At least, that’s what I told myself. And I just didn’t feel comfortable asking you outright. Especially since every time I tried to, my brain would become overloaded. I know it’s not a big deal to you, but I always felt like it was, you know?”

Evan stared at the ground, unable to meet Jared’s eyes. Jared sighed, half out of sadness, half out of frustration. He knew Evan never wanted to ask for help when it came to his emotions. But instead of repeating how willing he was to help, he simply laid a hand on his arm and smiled. After a few seconds, he decided to break the tension.

“I don’t know about you, but I’m getting cold. And since this isn’t a gay thing, I think we better head inside somewhere. Unless we decide that it’s okay for two dudes to huddle together for warmth.” Jared smirked, hoping that would lighten the mood at least a little bit. It seemed to have worked, because Evan laughed and got up from where he was sitting.

“As much fun as huddling or warmth sounds, I think I’d rather head back to my place as watch a movie. Jared smiled. He was glad Evan was back to his old self again.

“Alright dude. Let’s go watch a movie. But none of those sappy romantic comedies you like. I don’t want you crying again.” Jared joked about this, but he knew how those movies affected him. Especially on nights like this. Evan just smiled, because he knew Jared would probably let him watch whatever he wanted regardless.  
“Yeah, yeah, no tear-jerkers. I get it.” Not that he really minded what movie they watched. He was just happy to have the company when he’d already beaten himself up so much today. Jared reached out his hand for Evan to help him up, and slung an arm around his shoulders. They started walking to Jared’s car when he spoke up again. “Oh, and you’re on popcorn duty.” Evan rolled his eyes. “Whatever you say, pal.” Jared shoved his arm, grinning. The two of them got into the car, and drove off, glad that all the tension from the night had finally faded away.


	2. To Better Days

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jared just wants to give Evan one memory from high school that he can smile looking back on. So he sets out to do just that. It's not easy, and it takes a lot of coaxing, but if anyone can accomplish it's Jared.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to @diaryofachorusgirl on tumblr for helping me edit these, I really appreciate her help. I also really appreciate all the kudos and comments and notes over on tumblr. I've never written much fan fiction before so the warm response is highly encouraging.

When Jared was helping Evan to convince everyone especially the Murphys, he had picked up how he would spend a perfect day with friends. In fact, Evan had wanted Jared to write one entire letter to the topic. Since then, Jared had been asking questions to fill in the blanks of what the letter didn’t provide. The problem was the questions had needed to become more specific, and there wasn’t a good reason that Jared would ask these questions unless… 

Jared knew Evan was catching on, but that was okay the plan would be carried out soon enough. After the year that Evan had just had he deserved everything that Jared could give him and more. So, he decided to plan his perfect day, it wasn’t easy to get the details out of him, but after they had gone stargazing when Evan was having that anxiety attack. His trust seemed to deepen or change in a way that Jared hadn’t really expected. What he’d done that night hadn’t seemed any different to him than how he had treated Evan’s anxiety attacks. Yet, something must have felt different for Evan. Regardless, Jared was excited for the day that he’d planned for the two of them. He couldn’t wait to see the look on Evan’s face, it would definitely be priceless. 

Evan was hesitant to follow Jared’s vague yet insistent instructions to meet him at his car after school and let his mom know he wouldn’t be home for dinner. Jared was known for his strange behavior and quirks sometimes, but this seemed out of the ordinary, even for him. Regardless, he trusted him enough to comply, not entirely blindly though, he told Alana who he was going to be with and had her add him on find my friends. Only because one can never be too safe. It wasn’t that Evan was paranoid, he was just extremely cautious. It also kept Evan and his anxiety very much on its toes for the whole day, which Evan knew wasn’t Jared’s intention. Yet, as many times as Evan tried to convince himself of that, it seemed next to impossible. Finally, after dragging himself through his classes, with moderate success, he was able to escape the prison-like school to the parking lot beyond. The fresh air immediately helped to begin to put Evan’s mind at ease, and the breeze calmed him so he was able to easily find Jared standing next to his car. The smile Jared had spread across his face further helped to set Evan’s mind at ease. 

Jared saw Evan approaching almost immediately after Evan had left the doors of the school. The smile on Jared’s face simply wouldn’t go away, he probably looked like a mad man, but it was exciting to think that in a few hours, Evan may look the same way. So far, everything was in order, and all the pieces had fallen into place more or less. He had brought Alana in on it, mostly because he knew Evan would go to her freaking out that Jared was going to kidnap him or something. Of course that wasn’t true, but Jared had a pretty good handle on the way that Evan’s mind worked by this point in their friendship. As Evan got closer, Jared tried to have a much more neutral expression, but it rendered nearly impossible. 

Evan crossed the street, and began walking across the parking lot, to join Jared at his car. Without taking his eyes off of him, Evan’s mind still races with the possibilities of what Jared has planned. He’s almost lost in all of the worst and best case scenario possibilities when Jared lightly shakes him by the shoulders. 

“Buddy, earth to Evan, my sister’s hot.” Jared couldn’t help but smirk with the extreme tactic he needed to snap Evan out of his own head. Evan at first just stared, and then smacked him on the arm after hearing this remark. 

“Okay that was entirely uncalled for, I was coming back anyway.” Evan blushed bright red at the thought of Zoe whom he hadn’t really talked to since he had told her and her family the truth about Connor. It was still a fairly sore topic, but Jared did his best to break the tension around the subject. 

“Yeah okay, you’re right I crossed a line, but it worked, and we don’t have time to lose. I have a full afternoon planned for us.” Jared’s smirk had turned into a beaming smile again, and Evan still looked as confused as ever. 

“In the words of Regina George, ‘get in loser we’re going shopping.” Except we’re not going shopping, but it’s so iconic that I couldn’t bear to change it.” Jared had begun rambling about one of his favorite topics, pop culture, but trying not to lose focus on the task at hand. Jared snapped his attention back to Evan. 

“Anyway, just get in, we’re graduating in like two weeks, and there’s some things I want to check off my high school bucket list.” Jared hadn’t originally planned on using this lie as the way to placate Evan into going with him, but it was plausible enough to calm Evan’s fears and give him what he had always wanted. 

“Alright, well as long as it’s not illegal, or life-threatening, I’ll go along with you.” Evan still wasn’t entirely convinced, but he knew once Jared had made his mind up there wasn’t changing it. So he got into the car, and pulled his phone out his backpack to send a text to Alana. 

Evan the Friendly Ghost: Hey Jared and I are about to leave, please pray for me not to get kidnapped. If I do though remember we’re on Find my Friends now. 

My Girl Friday: Yeah yeah I know, but Jared would never really kidnap you, he’ll just strongly encourage you to go somewhere with him without taking no for an answer. Okay, so a milder form of kidnapping. Anyway, just trust me when nothing that Jared’s doing will hurt you, I can’t tell you anymore than so just trust me. :) 

Evan the Friendly Ghost: That’s not terribly encouraging, but I trust him, (for the most part), and you too. So I’ll go along with this slightly creepy, almost kidnapping plot. 

My Girl Friday: Good, and just remember to have fun! 

Evan closed the message after reading it, and put his phone next to him on the seat, more confused than ever. Jared had cranked one of Evan’s favorite albums from A Great Big World, and was singing along. After a few minutes Jared started the car and pulled out of the now deserted school parking lot. Quickly, they had left the neighborhood of the school and were in a part of town that Evan was largely unfamiliar with. Trying to be relaxed he attempted not to worry about it. The thing that still struck him as odd though was the music, for all the times that Evan had played this album in his car, Jared had always complained loudly over it. Evan was never entirely sure whether or not he was serious. Apparently, he wasn’t serious, unless it was for Evan that he was playing music he couldn’t stand. The entire situation still perplexed Evan and he finally spoke up to ask his first question. 

“So do you plan on telling me where we’re going?” Evan tried to keep the fear and anxiousness out of his voice, but he wasn’t entirely successful. Jared noticed his trepidation, and rushed to convince him that everything would work out. 

“I’m not going to tell you yet, but in the meantime, I’d like you to describe your perfect day to me.” Jared fell quiet, and smiled quietly to hear Evan’s response. 

“Well, it would probably in the park or on the nature preserve that one a few miles out of town if possible. It would also be fun to bring a picnic, and go tree climbing for while. Oh I forgot I’d love to stop at A La Mode first and get ice cream because the best meals always include having dessert first. I haven’t thought much about the rest, I’d probably just let it happen however it was going to.” Evan had a million other ideas floating around in his head, but didn’t want Jared to think that he thought about this too often. Despite the fact that he thought about it close to everyday. Jared somehow was able to keep his face neutral, since he was able to check all the boxes, and in fact they were on their way to A La Mode currently, but Jared had taken an indirect route to try and throw Evan off. There was now no doubt that Evan had no real idea what was coming, and Jared was thrilled.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> FRIENDS! Here is my long awaited second chapter of my originally titled stargazing fic. This chapter was going to be longer, but I ended up splitting it into two parts. It's essentially part one of two.


	3. You'll Rise Again

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jared's perfect day for Evan has so far gone off without a hitch. Evan has even managed to forget about school for a little while, that is until it all starts creeping back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I'm living for writing for these two, so even after I finish this story I'm planning on writing more stories in the same vein. I hope you enjoy it, and I'll see you all next Friday for my next chapter!

As they pulled onto Main Street and pulled up in front of Al La Mode, Evan’s face quickly went from puzzled to elated. 

“Jared are we going to A La Mode?” Evan’s face lit up more than a kid in a candy store. 

“If we were why would I tell you? That would ruin the surprise, and then I never would have gotten to see the reaction on your face I was just able to witness, and honestly, that was so worth it.” Jared was also beaming by this point, he loved seeing Evan happy, and more often than not it was hard to come by. 

He also hoped that Evan could take away this day as one that wouldn’t erase all the pain and trauma from high school, but give him something more pleasant to reflect on. 

“But now that we’re here, yes we are, and I plan on buying you a pint of whatever you want to go. Don’t worry, I have a cooler bag and ice packs, I came prepared.” Jared alternated between ridiculous joy, and mischievousness that was hard to contain.

Jared unbuckled his seatbelt and Evan did the same, and they stepped outside the car into the beautiful spring day. As they approached the door, they could already almost smell the chocolate and fresh fruit toppings. After a few minutes of browsing the frosted-over freezers, Evan picked out almost exactly what Jared had expected. A large pint of Evan’s favorite, cake batter fudge, Jared knew Evan loved the fudgey brownie pieces that littered the yellow cake flavored ice cream. 

“You always go for the cake batter fudge don’t you?” Jared loved teasing Evan about his predictable ways. 

“Hey, there’s nothing wrong with consistency, and why mess with a staple in my diet?”

Evan looked so exuberant and like nothing could touch him. Jared had just now realized there was a strong possibility that Evan would cry happy tears, and grabbed a handful of brown recycled napkins from the nearest dispenser to be prepared. Jared paid for the ice cream, and he asked for two spoons. Just in case Evan decided he wanted to share, and he probably would since his bleeding heart couldn’t stand to eat and not share. Jared had satisfied Evan’s curiosity long enough to keep him intrigued, but would keep the questions at bay for a little while. They drove quietly out of town, and into the surrounding countryside of their small town. Jared knew that Evan’s favorite spot was a nature reserve about ten miles out of town, and that’s exactly where they were headed next. When he had introduced this plan to Alana she at first laughed in his face, and told Jared he would never pull it off. Yet Jared couldn’t help but smirk at the fact that the day and his plan so far had gone off without a hitch. It didn’t take long for Evan to veer the conversation into deep and thoughtful territory because that seemed to be the only conversations he could hold consistently. 

This type of friendship wasn’t always easy to maintain, but Jared loved the ways that Evan allowed him to open his mind, and he always seemed to be in awe of all the multitudes that Evan’s mind contained. Jared rarely saw him stutter when they talked, and Evan was a different person when they were alone. Finally Evan shook Jared out of his thoughts with his words,   
“Do you ever wonder what would happen if you achieved everything you really wanted?” Evan’s eyes were wide with wonder and disbelief. 

“Well, I would if I had real goals and ambitions for myself next year.” Jared always hesitated to verbalize his goals, never wanting to set out expectations he couldn’t reach even for himself. He turned the self-doubt he had into confidence to bolster Evan’s nearly non-existent self-esteem. 

“But I can imagine what comes next is you telling me all about your crazy dreams, but as long as I can be included in the people you thank I’m alright with whatever. Jared tried to keep his sarcastic persona, but he loved hearing Evan talk about what he really wanted out of life. 

“Well, I mean it probably won’t happen, but I’d really like to write a book, or maybe a movie. I’ve always enjoyed the way that writers matter, and people care about what they have to say, but it’s behind your art.” Evan enjoyed the double-edged sword of being able to be known by name only, it meant he mattered, and people saw the things he made, but he was at least partially protected.

Jared hoped all the time for Evan to write the next great American novel, especially since there were so many people had all the accolades in the world, but scarcely deserved it. Jared wasn’t one for big cliches about writing and art, but he knew that Evan has a wonderfully unique yet resonant story that was just begging to be told. Jared longed for the day that he was able to watch his best friend on TV accepting his Oscar for Best Adapted Screenplay, or whatever they gave out those things for these days. Regardless, he needed to refocus and stick with the plan to give Evan his perfect day. 

The first step A La Mode had already been completed, and Jared was eager to stay on schedule and check all the boxes. After all, he couldn’t think of many people more deserving of this than Evan. Next came the perfect afternoon in a sunny park, and Jared had just the one in mind. It was far enough out of town to feel remote and “naturey” as Evan often put it, as well as having a great variety of trees and flowers for Evan to nerd out about. The drive was about fifteen minutes, and the conversation passed easily between the two boys. Jared tried to open the conversation by asking how Evan’s day was, but quickly had to steer into more happy territory. 

“So you had a project presentation today right did that go well?” Jared knew this could easily steer into dangerous territory, but figured that trying to get a little information out of him couldn’t be a bad thing. Evan paused for a moment before he answered, and the time allowed him to steady his breath before he responded. 

“I mean, I didn’t crumple into an anxiety attack until afterwards, so isn’t that progress?” This made Evan hide his face for a second before turning to Jared his eyes now filled with tears. Jared took one hand off the steering wheel and used it to touch Evan’s before briefly turning his head to look at him. 

“Yeah dude, I’m proud of you for getting it through it, even if you had an attack afterwards. Progress is progress and all that, but regardless we’re almost to our destination. Have you figured out where we’re headed yet?” Jared still had a hint of worry in his voice, but tried to tamp it down for Evan’s sake. Evan didn’t immediately respond, but shook himself out of his thoughts to really ponder their destination. Evan had begun to realize what was happening, but he knew Jared enjoyed surprises so much that he deemed it better to just let the charade continue.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If ya'll enjoyed this please come and yell at me over on tumblr @invisblerambler. I post other one shot and short fics that will probably make it over here eventually.


	4. It Was Over My Head

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jared had a lot planned for Evan, just not exactly what he was expecting

“I can’t believe you did this.” Evan’s voice shook as the car approached the destination. Jared wasn’t taking Evan to where he expected, but somewhere a little different. Evan deserved a perfect day, but that wasn’t exactly going to be today. Jared flipped his turn signal on as the now reopened apple orchard came into view. As they pulled towards the parking lot, Zoe’s car came into view and Jared could sense Evan tensing up next to him. Since that first explanation Evan had stayed relatively silent, and as the car slowed into the parking spot next to Zoe’s Jared could hear Evan beginning to hyperventilate. As quickly as he could, he threw the car into park and unbuckled himself to run around the car and keep Evan as calm as possible. 

“Evan, I knew this was going to be hard, but you and Zoe really need to have a discussion. The awkward tension between the two of you everyday is worse than when you both liked each other but wouldn’t admit it.” Jared almost immediately regretted blurting this out because he knew that Evan was still extremely sensitive about all aspects of that situation. 

“Can you squeeze my hand? You need to ground yourself Evan, I’m sorry that I have to put you in this situation, but Zoe asked to see you, and I figured that this was the best worst way to go about it.” Jared sighed as he finished speaking, knowing that nothing he could say would really make this less of a betrayal. Yet, he knew that being there with Evan when this conversation happened would hopefully outweigh the guilt he felt because of lying and misleading him. 

 

Evan had been so under control today, he had written his letter and kept his anxiety at manageable levels all day. Then Jared had to go and give him all this hope and joy to only have it all crash down around him. His brain was currently spinning faster than he could process, and his lungs couldn’t keep up with the large swallows of oxygen that his tight chest was trying to take in. Evan knew that grounding himself was the only way to not spiral any further, and somewhere even as far into his head as Evan was, he heard Jared speaking to him. 

“Can you squeeze my hand? You need to ground yourself Evan…” If Jared spoke anything else Evan wasn’t hearing it, fumbling around for Jared’s hand, Evan felt Jared guide his hand into his. Upon their skin touching, Evan squeezed so hard he was afraid that Jared’s hand may be broken, but he was also deep down so angry that it didn’t matter. 

After several minutes had passed of Evan and Jared with hands impossibly intertwined, Evan could feel himself regaining his normal level of control over his consciousness. Finally after his breathing was under control, Evan somehow found the words he was searching to speak. 

“I’m going to meet with Zoe, but it doesn’t mean that I’ve forgiven you or that I’m not angry with you.” Evan let out a deep sigh, and refused to meet Jared’s eyes. Without another word he unwound his body from Jared’s and opened the car door in one sudden motion. 

 

Jared was shocked that Evan was agreeing to this, and the minute Jared saw Evan’s reaction to seeing Zoe in the orchard parking lot, his heart sank into the pit of his stomach. It was a cruel trick what he had done to Evan and there was no getting around that, but hoped that Evan would be able to see that despite the lying and the trickery. Jared couldn’t think about that now, his only focus could be Zoe and Evan having the most amicable discussion possible. He followed Evan out of the car, shutting and locking the door behind him. 

Evan stares daggers into the tree behind Zoe’s head, normally the only way that Evan ever looked at a tree was lovingly, but today it was the unfortunate victim of Evan’s deadly cocktail of anxiety towards Zoe and anger towards Jared. After what seemed like a few minutes Jared approached Evan where he was standing and touched him on the arm. 

“You know talking to her is probably a better solution than sawing that tree down with your eyes. It never did anything to deserve that horrible fate, so maybe you should go try talking to her instead.” Jared laughed nervously and hoped he wouldn’t trigger Evan into another anxiety attack. If his first suggestion didn’t, his second probably could. 

“Please don’t kill me after I say this, but you need to shout a little louder than the voices in your head today okay? I know it’s not that simple, but I am here, and talking to Zoe is the only way any of us are going to move forward.” Jared cringed as the words came out of his mouth, but he knew that tough love didn’t always work on Evan. But Jared was no shrink, so this was the best that he could do under the circumstances that he had put Evan in. Evan finally turned around to face Jared and stared him down with all the fear and anger Jared had ever seen him have. 

He slowly walked toward Zoe and tapped her on the shoulder, and barely was able to squeak out, “Zoe, I think we have a few things that we need to talk about.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for being patient with this update, school this semester has been kicking my ass this semester and there's been a lot going on in my life that's been effecting my mental health. Normal excuses, anyway, I hope you all enjoy this chapter, and I'm hoping to get chapter 5 up on time again on Friday. Also, I thrive off of kudos and comments, so please leave them here, or go yell at me over on tumblr @invisblerambler.


	5. This is the New Year

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Zoe and Evan finally come face to face, and talk about everything that they left unsaid the first time they had this conversation.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the last chapter in one part of this series, I definitely want to write more in this verse or like following the events of this. So what I'm saying is there will definitely be more parts to this in the future!

Zoe’s face registered an entire array of emotions all at once, but finally settled on a smile as she looked back at Evan. She turned slowly, trying to give herself time to form her first sentence, but Evan spoke first instead. 

“I’m not sure how else to apologize, I know I can never truly justify my actions and the way I portrayed Connor and I as friends, but I hope we can come to an uneasy truce?” Evan spoke slowly and quietly, just barely keeping his panic at bay with every word he spoke. Zoe had finally found her words, and was almost successful in keeping the shake out of her voice as she spoke. 

“Evan I don’t need anymore apologies, nothing will undo what you did, the damage has been done. What I’m interested in is how we’re supposed to move forward. Our whole relationship was predicated on a lie, but that doesn’t mean we can’t start over with honesty. Complete honesty.” Zoe surprised herself as she says this, but immediately after her surprise, it settled in her chest as feeling like the right thing to say. Evan had drawn in on himself almost completely while Zoe had been speaking, but started to unwind as she finished. 

“Is that really what you want? There’s no reason you should ever even want to talk to me again, and not that long ago that’s exactly what you told me.” Evan shuddered as he remembered the day when the lies finally all came crashing down around him, all things considered it had been one of the single worst days of his eighteen years. Zoe lightly touched him on the arm to shake him from his remembering, also silently acknowledging the regret of how the fight had gone down after she found out. 

“Over the last couple weeks, I’ve been thinking a lot about Connor, and all the things I wish I could say to him. It made me realize why the idea of you two being friends appealed to me so much in the first place. It gave me a way to not only find out how Connor had truly felt about me, but also explore why he felt like his way out was the only one. Most people never get a chance to understand why, and I had that chance. Our family believed they had that chance, so it was hard not to take it. Furthermore, we saw Connor in you, the side that he never showed, but was there. The lonely vulnerable teenager, who was isolated in his inability to connect to those around them.” 

Zoe sighed heavily after saying this, these were things that she had ruminated on since shortly after she had confronted Evan. It wasn’t easy to accept her part in all of this, but despite everything she cared about Evan and wanted to meet him halfway so they could both heal. Evan stood and took in everything Zoe had said, he was almost knocked over by the things Zoe was saying. He never really expected forgiveness from Zoe or any of the Murphy family, he didn’t deserve it, and yet here she stood telling him that they were both at fault in a way. Evan had no way to justify a response, and Zoe’s hand still rested on his upper arm, so he pulled her into a tight hug, before breaking down into sobs. 

Finally he choked a few words out,   
“You have no reason to forgive me, but I’m glad we’re having this conversation.” Evan’s words came out in gasps between his sobs, and he struggled to find the words he wanted. It was only now that he realized Zoe may not have wanted to hug him, but he had taken the touch on the arm as a peace gesture. Evan just hoped he hadn’t taken it too far, but Zoe’s arms wrapping tightly around Evan as he brought her into the hug answered his own question. Zoe tried to use the hug to ground Evan and calm him down, but eventually she broke down in tears of her own. 

Jared stood watching his scene with a mix of confusion and admiration, before walking over to join the pair in a tight hug. Zoe met his eyes as we walked over and smiled mouthing, ‘thank you’ before pulling him into the hug. After a few moments, the trio broke apart, and even Jared wiped a few tears away before looking either of them in the eyes. 

“Well now that we’ve all kissed and cried, can we enjoy this beautiful day or get ice cream or something? I don’t see any more point in being upset when it’s the best weather we’ve had in weeks.” Jared’s sparkle had returned to his eyes, and he grabbed both their hands to snap them back into reality. Evan and Zoe both looked at him at the same time, and the trio headed off to take a walk through the apple blossoms in the orchard. The beautiful day didn’t erase all the pain or sorrow between them, but the healed friendships helped them all better deal. Moments like this were about to become rare as they all headed to college, so it was nice to sit in the moment and enjoy this even if it wouldn’t last for forever.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so glad if you made it this far, I'm so glad for the feedback, and please come and yell at me on tumblr @invisiblerambler. I love seeing messages about my fics so much!

**Author's Note:**

> If ya'll enjoyed this please come and yell at me over on tumblr @invisblerambler. I post other one shot and short fics that will probably make it over here eventually.


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